"Once a cheater, always a cheater": Men and women spill the tea on taking back cheaters, share stories from their own lived experiences

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 21, 2025 6:00 PM EST

They say that cheaters never change. They may learn to hide their infidelity and how to say the right things to manipulate their partners better, but they will always be drawn to other people. Some cheaters claim that they do it because they are not happy in their relationship; others insist that they crave the thrill of doing something socially unacceptable. All cheaters, though, regardless of their justifications, lack respect for their partners. Whether a relationship can bounce back from — not just a betrayal — but a demonstration of one partner's low regard for the other, varies case by case.

Below, internet commenters who have been cheated on reveal the outcome of taking back their partners after infidelity. While some stories end in breakup or divorce, others seem to have had some level of success in continuing the relationship. All, however, admit that the trust that was broken never quite healed all the way. Scroll down for more. 

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  • 01

    For anyone who forgave a cheating partner, how'd it turn out?

    "The trust was never fully there again, and it always felt like there was this shadow hanging over us. Forgiving was one thing, but forgetting was impossible. It taught me a lot about what I need in relationships, though."
    via bernie_photo

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    SaraMoonrise Forgave a cheating partner once because I thought we could work through it. In the end, it didn't turn out great. The trust was never fully there again, and it always felt like there was this shadow hanging over us. We tried, but eventually, the relationship just fizzled out. Forgiving was one thing, but forgetting was impossible. It taught me a lot about what I need in relationships, though.
    via u/golden_loner
  • 03
    Guilty-Reputation176 Trust is gained in drops and lost in buckets.
    via u/Guilty-Reputation176
  • 04
    rogerss29c I totally get that. Forgiveness can feel like the right step, but without trust, it just turns into a constant struggle. It's good that you learned from it and now know what you need in a relationship.
    via u/rogerss29c
  • 05
    perrer Same! I didn't realize I was holding onto resentment and it poisoned me. I didn't like him after that and it took 4 years to realize that
    via u/perrer
  • 06
    Edge80 This was my experience as well. She came forward and told me and I wanted to quickly forget so we could move forward. The lingering thoughts and suspicion tore me apart. I slowly began putting up a facade until one day I just couldn't manage anymore. I ended it a few months later. She got upset because I led her to believe I was over it and everything was fine. I
    via u/Edge80
  • 07
    learned a lot about myself during that time and the years that followed. I learned about the importance of communication, what I feel comfortable compromising on and to stand on business when it came to voicing what I wasn't comfortable with. All of those lessons came together to foster a solid relationship for over 20 years.
    via u/Edge80
  • 08
    trophy-tabby I don't know if he ever cheated again, but the trust was so broken that it didn't matter. My fuse got short, self-esteem got low, and the whole relationship turned into a toxic whirlwind. 0/10 would not recommend.
    via u/trophy-tabby
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10457474048
    via simonapilollatnf

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    batcatblack13 Same here. Changed me for the worse to the point I didn't recognise who I became. Meanwhile, he did it again.
    via u/batcatblack13
  • 11
    SouvlakiPlaystation Every situation is so unique. There are scenarios where I could forgive cheating - perhaps a passion fueled "mistake" early in the relationship. Something that was confessed to.
    via u/SouvlakiPlaystation
  • 12
    My ex cheated with four different men, sleeping with one of them multiple times, and did all of this over the course of 2 years. I probably could have moved past it had she had told me, but instead she lied to my face, even when directly confronted. I literally had to print phone receipts, and threaten to call the parties involved. A lot of trickle truth ensued.
    via u/SouvlakiPlaystation
  • 13
    What's worse is that lying resulted in me socializing with these "friends" of hers, breaking bread and buying drinks for three different guys who f d or made out with my girlfriend. Sometimes there would be multiple of them in one room, smiling in my face. I wonder if they even know about each other.
    via u/SouvlakiPlaystation
  • 14
    Once everything came to light the shame and regret hit her like a truck, and she became a complete wreck. We both went in to therapy, but it wasn't enough. No matter how remorseful or "changed" she was the resentment and lack of respect I felt was too much to have a healthy relationship. The best I could do was emotionally blunt myself and put on a front. That's no way to live.
    via u/SouvlakiPlaystation
  • 15
    rmorlock I forgave her but we are still divorced. I realized the person I loved changed into someone I did not recognize.
    via u/rmorlock
  • 16
    The PianistOfDoom A lot of people confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. But the deed is still done, the act has still happened. Just because you decided to look past it (not only for theirs, but your own sake), doesn't mean you can keep on going like it was.
    via u/PianistOfDoom
  • 17
    themorganator4 Same, we split up but I eventually forgave her for what she did. I wish her the best but getting divorced and going NC was the right thing to do, I don't think I could have ever got over the betrayal of trust.
    via u/themorganator4
  • 18
    for8835 The cheating didn't stop. He just started being more careful about locking down his phone and computer. Divorced his sorry a not long after.
    via u/for8835
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10457473792
    via Syda Productions

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    Inannas Pocket I found I could forgive the actual part of the cheating, but couldn't really get over the lies, breach of trust, and lack of regard for my health. So eventually I ended the relationship.
    via u/InannasPocket
  • 21
    We're actually still on somewhat friendly terms (overlapping friend circles, so we'll chat if we end up at the same gathering). And we're both happily married to other people, hopefully they learned from the experience.
    via u/InannasPocket
  • 22
    bobdob123usa We've been together 30+ years. Cheating was ~25 years ago. Some really frank discussions and some level of distrust got us through the initial part. We were young and outgrew it. Doing great these days, but I still wouldn't recommend it.
    via u/bobdob123usa
  • 23
    Cheezburger Image 10457474304
    via Motortion
  • 24
    eden_sc2 Same for my husband and I. The one good thing is it forced us to sit down and talk about problems in our lives and helped us to make the changes we needed. I would still recommend just skipping straight to the honest conversation and self improvement step.
    via u/eden_sc2
  • 25
    kerman21 Why wouldn't you recommend it?
    via u/kerman21
  • 26
    Salmon_Is_Too_High Because the memory never goes away. You can forgive. You can love still. But that memory is with you for life and I don't believe love ever reaches 100% again.
    via u/Salmon_Is_Too_High
  • 27
    applestoapples2015 After a two year affair, I ultimately forgave him. We did a ton of (years-long) work through individual counselors and couples counseling. I rebuffed any notion of the idea of "once a cheater, always a cheater" because my husband had done the work to change
    via u/applestoapples2015
  • 28
    Fast forward 8 years...I uncovered another 18 month affair. So, I guess the "work" he did didn't stick. So... once a cheater, always a cheater.
    via u/applestoapples2015

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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boyfriend toxic Female Empowerment wife relationships girlfriend husband cheating couples exes divorce cheater love infidelity breakup reddit thread Reddit dating
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